na – Moment by Moment

“Merica” bought by or sold by Hobby Lobby… you choose.

This morning I woke with only one thought on my mind… Hobby Lobby, those bastards! Not feeling well and being physically destroyed for once by the weather and not my own hand. Have I mentioned before I am a recovering addict? Anyhow, I laid in bed wondering perplexed, pondering exactly what it meant to have this industry giant and their discriminatory practices with registers soon to be ringing from the sounds of a free market system in our small town. I thought, how could a company with such questionable ethical ideals and small minded, self serving business practices be entering my small towns market? Contemplation of the legal ramifications and implications of picketing on public property, I imagined myself chained to a bulldozer waving signs that read, “You may love God, but God hates homophobia”, and such.

My mind then turned to the recent go-rounds with a local neighborhood action committee. They were fighting to prevent another extremely controversial company from entering our community. I recalled HOOTERS had recently tried to enter the Mount Pleasant business market. Committees outraged over the possibilities of having a HOOTERS opening, (well… at least in their neighborhood) had jumped into action to prevent this from happening. The opening would have been in an albeit adjacent location to their neighborhood, but in an appropriately zoned area, near other businesses and intended to end the continued blighting of a now still empty eyesore in our community.

Through my self-righteous indignation I had envisioned myself not shopping and picketing a business that I didn’t believe contributed to or was a necessary brand for our community. One that I believe personally divides and strips others of their rights. A belief and feelings I am now more than ever willing to fight for and defend. At this point in the article if you are unfamiliar with the literal definition of self-righteous, there is a link below. An interesting side note for readers not from the area, who know little or nothing more about me other than what this blog has to had offer.

Both my mother and father have been in local politics my entire life. Entirely out of respect for their positions as community leaders, for me this has meant along with keeping opinions, at least publicly on vast array of local items. I have also kept silent on a myriad of other issues. As you can imagine a son straddling the addiction and recovery worlds could, can, and has been somewhat of an embarrassment. With my father having retired from his position and my mother soon to be done with her tenure, if I choose I will no longer need to keep myself from the local spot light of our small town politics, save causing my family further embarrassment. Hmm?

Having said this… I have a reputation in our community. Not necessarily a good one, but not necessarily such a bad one either. As with Hobby Lobby (the Greens) and the practices of companies like them I am blessed to be in America, (an American) and whether you agree with my opinions or not… they matter (if only to me) and are sometimes even counted. Once long ago… even encouraged.

Maybe there wasn’t collusion, whatever that means, but there was interference (Russian interference) with or without our presidents assistance. As a result it has become all but impossible to offer objective opinions on almost any subject anymore. With instant social media, angry and ignorant responses hiding behind the safety of a computers raining a barrage of hate. We are subject to an almost immediate response, internal national anti- American rhetoric for suggesting unity and inclusion. Of course, this just perpetuates the already strained division we have in our country. A message of unity and inclusion being labeled as anti-American, should seem itself to be anti-American in a country founded on immigration and labeled as a “melting pot”.

Having accepted God into my life… I live in the light, now. So, no secrets here. Nothing left to hide or to lose. You won’t find skeletons in my closet, I came out years ago. In fact my closet is bare. I have laid it all out. Some of the past I will keep and fight to take care of, as long as there is breath in my body. Things such as freedom, equality, liberty and justice for all. Much of my past, I will leave behind. And what doesn’t fit anymore, I am giving away or returning. Maybe these are ideals and principles our country should adopt, too. This is the nature of recovery and my way of making my (and your) America great again.

Hatred, anger and intolerance seem to be at an all time high. Being criticized the moment one exercises any form of belief, an idea suggesting that acceptance, tolerance, unity or inclusion are the answer, has become the new American way of life. Instead of open dialog, discussion and debate we hurl accusations and encourage divisive division from both sides of the aisle. This will not deter my voice though.

Lets get back to Hobby Lobby. I do little anymore without a fair amount of research. So upon lugging myself and my now almost fifty year old aching body out of bed, a task that gets more difficult with each passing day (don’t take drugs kids). Especially in this yo-yoing Michigan weather. I began my research.

Much to my surprise I won’t be picketing Hobby Lobby anytime soon. In fact, I don’t entirely disagree with some of their position. I may even stop in just to see what all the hub-bud is about. Probably not though.

Know the facts before you judge based on someone else opinion.

It’s true, some of the forms of birth control used as their guise to openly discriminate against homosexuals, were in fact banned from their healthcare program. The morning after pill is no longer available, among others. So, their lobbying efforts worked. And with a victory to make decisions to take control of women’s rights, away from women, they were able to secure, and prove, yet again money and power speak louder in Washington than the people do.

But the Hobby Lobby and its owners “Christian (self)right(eous)” David and Barbara Green, inadvertently secured some other things too… rights for gays and lesbians in the work place. Thank you Justice Ginsburg. An ensuing decision on religious freedom and the right to openly discriminate against folks on sexual orientation or any other bias was upheld. A win for all minorities. A win for all people, but unrecognized by most.

What wasn’t a win for all minorities and the rest of low and middle income America is that we seem to be continuing to ignore big money and the corporate rule in America. Where is the concern? The concern that this is now the America we all live in. An America where the people within our communities don’t care about each other or the rights of their next door neighbors. We’ve become a society of every man, woman, and child for themselves. No longer banding together to ask these questions or any questions for that matter. No longer a country where we would mourn collectively the loss of a true leader. A country where a centuries old historic landmark burns to the ground and before the embers are out, the memes are up. Memes depicting God freebasing over its blaze. A disgrace and a message sent to the rest of the world, yet again about who we’ve becomes as Americans citizens.

Truly a loss of Biblical and historical proportions for all of us.

We seem to have become a country only respecting money, social status, and sports. Winning no matter what the costs. Whatever winning is in these scenarios? For some winning is just getting a hot meal each day. Others win if they don’t lose their homes. Still more are just looking for a struggling child to receive an education. Many have family, friends and neighbors in need of healthcare assistance. With the American opioid epidemic continuing to be ignored and a growing demographic including… I’ll bet someone that you know who needs or will need programs and funding available to help in the recovery process of addiction. For most Americans theses would be the wins.

It’s all fine and well to sit on a soap box when the issues you’re lobbying for don’t directly affect you or the people you love. Even easier to be the ruler on high, and suggest such things as, “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche” or more commonly known and spoken in English as, “Let them eat cake”. Especially if and when it’s someone else’s American, son or daughter.

In business America we do any and everything to encourage free trade and commerce. Until… apparently it means having to side step a group of “undesirables” living the same lives, but with different clothes, husbands, wives, religions, and beliefs. Oh and most importantly lest we forget, a different color, ethnic background or sexual orientation. Lives equally as worthy as any of ours, as long as the public side-walk they’re using isn’t in our neighborhood, right?

How is this concept or idea any different than that of segregation in schools? Or separate drinking fountains for blacks and whites? With our commander and chief working so hard to create division in our country, where are all the protesters and good “Christian” folk fighting for the rights of others? Are you so far on the “right(eous)“, that you can’t see how wrong the direction we are headed in as a people is?

When the idea of a few drunken college students and gals in tight tops and short-shorts wandering out of Hooters into your neighborhood was the issue you rallied and poof, no Hooters. No commerce or added taxes to our communities base. An empty building still stands in it place. But when basic human dignity and rights are at stake… silence. They must have some hella good crafts and hobbies at this store.

More and more we hear the term, Trumps America. How’s the saying go? The squeaky wheel… He’s willing to tweet the most, talk the loudest, say what he thinks and believes about any and everything. All while sitting in the White House acting on and speaking on behalf of all of us. The frightening part, half of America defends his hate message, nods and agrees. And just what is the other half of America doing? The half that doesn’t vote in elections and doesn’t protest anymore, as we slowly lose our rights and the class division continues to grow…

We wait patiently hoping Muller, taxes, that next big tweet to bitch about or some other misstep gets him impeached. But It won’t. He has already stolen the narrative, total vindication and exoneration remember? The rest is just fodder for the continued and nauseating news cycle. Which he is a master of controlling. Done and done. I watched Chappaquiddick not long ago, fascinating. At almost fifty I am just a touch to young to remember any of this event. But, here are some thoughts… an example from across the aisle. Love me some Ted Kennedy. He did many good thing. But, he did lie and was responsible for the drowning death of a woman. Also, one of our longest term Senators, though. We are a forgiving and forgetting people with short attention spans.

Even if you believe any of the people supporting Donald Trump care about what the report or any reports have to say, these are the same folks who will re-elect him in 2020. Re-elect a man to a post many believe he didn’t want for anything more than a hobby in the first place.

Fundamentally, Americans with the same agenda… get the niggers, spics, Jews, Muslims (towel heads), fags and dykes out… that’ll make America great again! Did I leave anyone out, Don? I should have started this article with that sentence. It would be close to a Trump speech and then I’d of had the narrative, wouldn’t I?

Listening to and watching the current domestic and foreign polices on immigration and aid, leads me to believe the only colors this administration sees are white and green. With a national platform on which to picket and protest for his agenda. An agenda of exclusion and elitism with just a sprinkle of racial unrest, it appears an ethnic cleansing is what he has in mind. He doesn’t say this it out-right , but I sure get the impression he thinks America could use a good white washing.

Unfortunately, I get that impression and the 2016 election results seem to suggest an awful lot of Americans agree. A subject I don’t hear many speaking out about. We must continue to talk the rhetoric of unity. But we did this in the last election cycle. What we got from this was the realization that despite all the pontificating and posturing, Americans still have a growing and thriving racial inequality and unrest. Still a lot of healing be done, from now more than a centuries old wounds. Unfortunately, wounds that seem to be re-opened each day with every new tweet.

I am told Hobby Lobby has an enormous selection of games, and obviously hobbies, art supplies and crafts too. I have heard many a twenty something and millennial mention how awesome the stores are. They are looking forward to the edition of this chain into our community. The Greens must feel pretty confident that a middle American demographic small mid-western town like Mount Pleasant, MI. works for them and their agenda. Otherwise who would work and shop there?

Not our communities men and women. We are good “Christian folk”. And certainly not those attending one of Americas higher learning institutions. These young women and the men who support them, receiving educations at a college like Central Michigan University would never support such policies like that of Hobby Lobby. Young adults at this level must have been taught about our checkered American past with regards to prejudice and bigotry, multi-cultural differences, inclusive… and our ” melting pot history”. Unless all these individuals too, believe in the “Greens agenda” and “Trumps America”.

As it turns out surprisingly I do have more in common with the Greens than I would have expected. All three of us have a belief in our Creator. A sense of faith and belief in good fundamental Christian values. Where we seem to separate is on the issue of shoving our personal lifestyle choices and beliefs down the throats of other Americans.

It’s funny how, oh again how’s that saying go… ‘money, power something, blah, blah, power corrupts… Absolutely! It safe to say when you’ve decided to tell a person (much like slavery) what they can and can’t do with their bodies… you’ve become corrupted… Absolutely.

Self imposed dominance, rarely seen for what it is… but in some instances actually refereed to as, rape.. At its core an exercise in power and total domination. What an ugly truth for the Greens. What an ugly truth for Donald Trump, the president. But what an even uglier truth for those who would support those who support laws or an agenda which at its core, is the raping of America and its people. Regardless though, let’s all hope Hobby Lobby has a great selection of stained glass materials, right(eous)?

We may not have the money they do or the platform he does, but what we do have is each other, our social media and local news outlets. Let our letters be sent, let our words be written. Pick up the signs. Make the calls. We must let our voices be heard. Take up the fight to keep what truly made America great in the first place, America great again… Freedom of choice and expression, but mainly inclusion with a vast array of diversity.

As always thanks for popping by, God Bless, Duane.

A Rohr above the Crowd

My mother and a friend, who is a former graduate student of my fathers both recommend Richard Rohr to me. He is a Franciscan priest, author and the founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Obviously, with a whole center, a website, degrees and other stuff… he more than likely spent less time smoking “crack” than I did. The message he has is a beautiful one, a little scripture heavy for me, but don’t hold this against him… After all he is a priest. Sorry addicts, I had no idea my blog was headed in these directions. Please don’t leave before your miracle! Rohr’s message today which I have shared a link for as always below, was one of Christ sacrifice.

If you’ve been paying attention and I’ve said from the onset I am not expecting anyone to, I haven’t mentioned Jesus. I have used terms such as Christlike and have referred to the general message of Christ, but not Jesus Himself. His father and His cousins ( I think that’s who the angels are, HEY… its my blog!) we talk pretty regularly, but Jesus thus far hasn’t made any attempts to reach out. Or at least so I had thought.

We relate the events in our personal lives at any given moment based on our perceptions of what is good or bad in our lives. Since individual perception is reality. This is why not getting that last chocolate chip muffin at Starbucks, having waited in line for a whole fifteen minutes, seems like the end of the world for so many. When in reality the end of the world literally (look it up… the definition) is coming for the millions of men, woman and children dying of starvation without a Starbucks in sight. This year alone 36 million people will die from starvation.

Until I learned to love myself, I was never lovin’ anybody else.

Whether you’re a believer or not, arguing that living Christlike isn’t the answer makes you an asshole!

I could have ended this entry right there. As always though, I have much more to say. Reading Rohr’s meditation today, I had a sense of Jesus for the first time since my awakening on Broadway. My take away from his meditation today was Gods understanding. He provided us with Himself in human form so that He could have the human experience (in the form of His own Son). We choose to create convolutions which confuse and distort this very simple concept. Rohr even mentions scapegoating, which I just wrote about in a previous blog piece. Whom do I blame if I exercise my freewill and make poor choices, God? He understands your being angry, but can only shoulder some of the blame. And that blame is questionable only to the effect of our birth.

Even a long and beautifully lived still life ends.

The promise of birth is only life. Even plants and animals receive this gift. But a tree has no way of moving itself from bad soil, just as the worm doesn’t choose a hook. Our births into this world, themselves, give us reason for celebration. Weddings, birthdays, graduations, first communions, baptisms, all the rites of passages and experiences we share as individuals that culminate into the human experience which we celebrate as one. But so too does our grief, pain and suffering.

Born of sin, given freewill, selfish, ego driven and unable to see our commonality in our humanity. With each nail driven into Him representing our sin, pain and suffering. Each mark of His Crucifixion saying there is no earthly struggle we cannot endure with his love. Spreading his fathers message of love and unity, He was sacrificed by Himself as his Son, in hopes that one day we would understand and live by His teachings. Christ suffering on the cross, with the grief, shame and blame of our world being placed upon Him, we learn that through Him (Christ) we all rise to every occasion. There is no cross to bear. That has been done already for us.

It is through our shared pain and suffering, not only the celebrations of life that we gain knowledge and understanding of ourselves and others.

The struggle is real, for those in need… and

I can only assume (and this may make an ass out of me and you, but better safe, than burning in hell, right) this is when Gods intent for us is to become more Christlike. In these moments, our weakest times we should draw strength form each other. Yet, we seem to find more and more paths for division and exclusion. There is good in mankind. It isn’t always easy to see or find. It is often a struggle every day.

Disillusionment brings me mental and physical anguish almost daily. I struggle sometimes not to pack up and disappear, both literally and figuratively. Each day though, I am given a chance to find my path, Gods will for me. Each day I sit at this computer and think… WTF Duane, who are you to be delivering any kind of message for God. But, if not me than who? So much easier to walk down Adams and just get a beer. Let the worlds problems and issues be someone else’s to bear and deal with. I imagine there are many who wish I would. Looking at myself, like it or not, forces many others to take a look at themselves, too. He who is free from sin… Mary Magdalene… the lepers… Healing of the blind man… These are the true messages of Christ…

All four stories have particular significance for me in my life. They also have real and purposeful meaning for the world we all live in today, as do all of Jesus’s life lessons (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). Take the blind man. Jesus does heal his sight, but he does it twice. My coming to know Christ, also appears to be coming in stages. As a whole humanities coming to understand Gods word, His teachings, the lessons His Son has left for us, and what we as His children seem to be learning is also coming very slowly.

Don’t we all wish that our leaders here in America past and present were living more Christlike? Or for that matter that all world leaders were. Would the world even be in shambles if they did? And doesn’t that start with all of us as individuals, first? So, why not me. I am just as unqualified (filled with sin) as any of Gods other children to spread his message. But my interpretations of the Bible and Jesus’s word are one of unification and inclusion. A none believer just months ago. Now so intent on delivering His message I am ironically, willing to “alienate” those I have the most in common with, addicts and alcoholics (only because I know how hard it is to believe anyone could love us). But, also who better to deliver that message than a former non-believer, addict and alcoholic?

As always thanks for popping by. God Bless, Duane

Prisoner: Cell-block B(roadway)

Sometimes the next best decision is nothing at all. A complete lock down. I had a day last week where that was the case. The weather was so nice, I couldn’t leave my house. Sounds strange doesn’t it? Mother Nature had provided us a glorious day. Only for me, if I were to leave my house I might not have made it back. This isn’t always the case, but it was on this particular day. Oh I would have returned eventually, maybe in one piece, but not as a whole. Not as myself, a part of me would have been missing. Fortunately, I have created a wonderful space and home for myself. A necessity for all recovering addicts in my non-degree’d opinion. I think unless you’re an addict or suffer agoraphobia the probability of comprehension will be lost here. At that moment, my state of mind prevented my being in the outside world. The simple choices I would need to make, made leaving my home a non-starter.

But, when the thoughts that run through your head are such as, “it’s so beautiful today, you know what would make this even better…”, knowing it won’t. And yet, still wanting to do it. It becomes your reality. It’s a rather intense feeling, knowing that first step outside your own front door is going to be the next misstep in your life. One that I’ve made too many times, already. I thought about attending my first meeting since getting clean and sober, but was quickly reminded I don’t enjoy our club. Putting myself out there for something I don’t enjoy and that has never worked for me, seemed a little too risky. Plus, all the traps on the trip, most importantly though, making the journey back without succumbing to temptation.

Thank God this is only a temporary affliction for me, (this to shall pass). It would be hysterical, if it wasn’t so painful. It is exactly what I was referring to in “That Cool Refreshing Drink”. God removes the obsession, but not the desires and feelings associated with addiction. It’s a true conflict of interest. I don’t want to use the alcohol and drugs anymore, but the reasons why are still relevant. Hmm?

Let me explain. I don’t want to use again. But, I would also love not to feel how I do at times, which makes me want to use. It’s what I know. It’s dangerous to feel too good and dangerous to feel too bad. Imagine for a moment feeling somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. A misstep in either direction ends badly. This is where I become paralyzed. I’m not looking to live as a shut-in. I am though learning to read the signs, pay attention to my thoughts and my body. With trusting already such a chore it shouldn’t be so strange to second guess myself, be unsure of whom to trust, know where it is safe to be and who it is safe to be around. But it is, therefore… complete lock down.

Already this time around in sobriety, I have deflected the advances of would be helpers in the name of God and recovery. Those interested in aiding me further in the apparently, treacherous words of the Bible and just saying “no”. Yes, no a joke and not even a little funny either. So, after years of trying to rely on those who, have “worked the steps” and having been “worked over” I have opted to rely on myself. Chosen to navigate the recovery world, mostly alone. Dangerous… indeed! But nothing else has worked. The world is full of slime bags and posers. I have been hurt enough and have had my fill of these people. These hypocrites are worse than the dealers and users themselves.

Thankfully there is one whom I do seem to be able to rely on, God. Yup, surprising the shit out of me too. If I am being honest, which it appears I can’t control. God is the only thing between me and a full on relapse. I am not a complete narcissist, although was once diagnosed with delusions of grandeur. An interesting conflict to my diagnoses of inferiority and self-loathing over the years. And If I had a dollar for every time I was told I was too hard on myself, I could pay all my back child support. None of this makes me feel God has chosen me as a prophet. They say everybody is good at one thing. I am damn near an expert at failing in recovery. Again, in my non-degree’d opinion, I think something others may benefit from. But, WTF do I know?

Today while using the restroom at work I heard an oldie but a goody.

Darlin’ if you want me to be, closer to you… get closer to me.

Not that I have Gods ear personally or his favor for that matter. I am falling in and out of that, all the time, multiple times, each and every day. When I do though, I ask for his forgiveness. Despite all my flaws, He is merciful and I am able to move on. Still knowing his presence and love for me is there. It’s since having asked for his grace that I recognize, hear, see and even say things differently. Take the above song. It is about two lover’s (ugh, that word again). But, that wasn’t what I heard while standing at the urinal.

Recovery is a way of life for me now. It is a part of who I am, who I’m going to be. I begin and end my days with prayer. This is how and who I must be in order to survive and thrive. I was struggling all day today with recovery (life) issues. For many those are health, financial, and emotional upheavals. Today for me it was a world wrought with selfishness, disrespect, rudeness, anger and hostility from others, not to mention from myself in its many forms. It is often difficult to find reasons for anyone, but especially those of us struggling in recovery not to self medicate to avoid the stresses of life. It takes hearing, seeing and speaking in a new way for me to understand Gods message for me fully. Or maybe I am just a loon. But if his message was something simple like, Duane take a minute… restart, refocus, and re-visualize. Then the song playing was just for me. Duane if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me… Pray!

So, I did. Right at the urinal… And gradually my day has gotten better.

As always thanks for pooping in. God Bless, Duane

That Cool Refreshing Drink

Guess what, listen to this, this one time, you won’t believe this, just wait until I tell you about… all phrases, too often heard and spoken. They should have us running for the hills. Or at minimum questioning whether the next few moments of our lives will be healthy, for us or not? But, damned if we don’t love a good slut shaming, an I was so drunk story, or hearing all the latest gossip, rumor and innuendo. Plus, who would want to miss the next tragic missteps in this poor fools addiction history. We all seem on some level to be fascinated by others trials, triumphs and tragedies. In fact it is part of the reason that an improbable clown like Donald Trump was able to win the presidency. If they were to re-air old episodes of, “Lifestyle’s of the Rich and Famous” now… Same hair, same philosophy, same I’m better than you attitude, all round same bloated arrogant ass, but with different trade up, “trophy- wife”.

Remember the old saying, behind every sketchy S.O.B., there is a greater women… holding tightly to one hell of a non-disclosing, prenuptial agreement.

An interesting interview involving twin sisters from opposing parties in Kent Co. Michigan, who ran for the same political office, but in different districts caught my ears and eyes the other night. So, I watched and I listened. Of the few things these sisters agreed upon, one was Hillary Clinton’s dropping the ball in Michigan, and making the assumption of black voter support for simply being a democratic candidate. Rather shockingly, they also agreed that President Trump in general has a message that is on point, (my left leaning sister did quickly add, “on point for whom though, just the wealthy?”). Agreeing also that he is such an atrocious public speaker, the message is lost. He should never ad lib.

Regardless, the interview and their conflicting beliefs, but common background got me to thinking about what suddenly made this man a viable candidate for office back in 2015. I mean, a Facebook thread I recently followed had Joe Biden likened to a serial rapist. WTF? He is a man who has dedicated most of his adult life and that of his families, to public service. Working on the needs of others and ensuring better futures for his and your children. While Trump and his heirs have spent a lifetime in the private sector tending to their needs and their futures while helping to destroy middle Americas. So, again… what is it about Donald Trump? Why are Americans and foreigners, whether they be in support or repulsed by him so… enthralled?

I think it’s the story. The gossip and rumors. It gives most of us something to make us feel better about ourselves. Better without having to do a thing to fix it, except bitch. Oh, sure we get tired of that too, but its like a wreck on northbound I-75 while your driving southbound… you slow down not caring that your backing up traffic to take a peek (possibly causing an accident yourself). Then complain that traffic isn’t moving fast enough, just before you slow down again to take a peek at the latest accident. I get it. Surprisingly, that is one thing I don’t do. I figure… I’m no a doctor, and speeding at rates of 75 to 90 mph, in the opposite direction with crews on the scene… not much for me to do! No judgement though, maybe you don’t smoke crack, kudos. We all have our vices. Unfortunately, this would appear to be the better half of America.

I fear it’s far too late for this piece not turn political. It wasn’t intended to be. But eh, since were there, let’s all take a peek at that wreck, shall we? I think few of us recognize the malady for what it is… our sinful nature. We aren’t willing to believe or accept it. But, our most tragically flawed human frailty is quite simply put, our vanity and ego (sin). Secretly for many Americans, not so secretly for others (almost half, but not quite), having Mr. Trump serve is like winning the lotto (or as others might view it, like having a broken electorate). Their dirty little secret… If many could, they would love to trade places or even be him for a day. This is the other half… “God shed his (dis) grace on thee.” Have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of…

I picked Ray’s version… it’s the best and so ironic.
Although already isolated by blindness, addicted by nature and segregated by his own country, he still found insight to see God had better intentions for us than what we’ve become.

Trumps half of America would have us segregated again, cut off from the rest of the civilized and sane world (building walls, are we all sure they’re to keep others out or are they to keep us in? (1984)), openly practicing their bigotry, and spreading their prejudice for others, in front of others… as he does. Belittling those weaker and without the means to defend themselves (dead or alive). Man, woman, child or corpse he takes no exception. Even Fox thinks he’s an ass for this shit.

Back in 2015 when I suggested Donald Trump was a viable candidate, I was scoffed at by many, told the announcement was simply a publicity stunt. But, see I work in the trenches among common folk. I bring them their food, listen to their complaints and share many of them myself, too. None of which the current administrations policies seems to be addressing. I just filed my 2018 taxes yesterday. Same ol’, same ol’. I wouldn’t mind a peek at the commander and chiefs. He can look at mine, but I have feeling he’s getting way more back percentage wise than I am. So, sure it was just a publicity stunt, but a good one. Perhaps, too good, look what we’ve done…

I relate most things in my life anymore to either recovery or God. You don’t have to, this is my life. I need to and it seems to be working. Having said that… Don is no god! He is however, a lot like the lies I tell myself prior to a relapse. The signs are there if I’m watching for them. I am disgruntled with the current administration. “Feeling” as though I have suspended fun (you know closed loopholes and tax credits for big business) or so I lead myself to believe. I begin glorifying the old ways of life (support the monopolies; steel, oil, internet, and commerce- barons). Forgetting that only a few benefited from it, mostly dealers and moochers (But, also those that know the tax code and have enough cash for that matter). In the end all the people lose (certainly this guy and those close to him). Because at the “end” there is really no such thing as a “social addict” (or trickle down economics) they are both a fallacy.

I’m told by myself and promises are made that this time around if elected, “drugs and alcohol” will provide better times, with no repercussions. Evenings will be filled with wonderful tales of companionship and love. This is all a lie. “Drugs and alcohol” if re-elected are going to do the same thing they do to me every time I elect them. Slip me a roofie, causing blackout (don’t drink the Kool-aid), call some friends over and go to town on my ass. Recorded for posterity and unworried that I’ll remember or that I’ve learned a thing. I haven’t so far (none of us have). We all keep writing the same history… addicts and Americans, hmm? Maybe we should start rewriting instead.

Having had the compulsion to use drugs, alcohol, and other forms of addiction removed (much like the possibility of our healthcare, education and that pesky global warming continuing being ignored), you would think that re-election seems impossible. But, re-packaged and sold with a more polished and smoother branding, I have on many occasions allowed another term (so have you). Many lessons taught, but so few learned.

Exercising our free will, many of us will make that same poor choice again. That is why it is important for me when rehashing old stories to remember them (Tariffs did hurt the farmers.) accurately. When revisiting old haunts (Closing or funding the border wall will cost billions, if not trillions… ultimately harming our economy the most.) being honest about why I am there. Or reminisce of an old friend, especially those I know to be dangerous for me, (Like any of the dozens of indicted individuals who served on the cabinet and election committee.) needs truthfulness (At least for those wishing to continue to receive social security).

It isn’t that I want to relapse, but ignoring people, places and things is likely to have that outcome. The message we emit is often the response we get. So those we surround ourselves with experiencing and feeling the same things, or the feelings and experiences we’ve surrounded ourselves with are likely to be our results. Ultimately, its the misery loves company theory. Guess what… so do bigots and bully’s. Welcome to Merica’.

Earlier this evening I was sharing with my mother just how much work it takes for me stay on my path. Being a positive person amid all the negativity I see and feel is exhausting. Forget about navigating or swimming, the energy needed just to simply stay a float in the ever growing sea of negativity that has become America is a full time job. And like you, I have many others. First and foremost being clean, and sober.

Two young women Katie and Erica stopped by this afternoon to have me switch my gas provider. It turns out a competitive and healthy approach with alternative choices was created, thanks to the deregulation of natural gas. One of the many business monopolies created during a past relapse in American history. Honestly, I could give two cents less than the cost of a turd, who I am paying for gas. But, I must and so must you because it is when we don’t that we lose the whole concept of democracy and America. We end up with the only options being lining the pockets of the already wealthy. Putting more money in the Walton and Bevo’s families pockets. I for one still wish the IGA was on high street. For that that matter Post Pharmacy.

In recovery they say, It’s progress not perfection. It seems to me, progress is only progress though, if your unhappy with where you’re at. When considering the re-election of “drugs and alcohol” for another term, it seems unlikely they will provide me with what clean and sober has for their short time in office. Repeating my history, much like America has over and over again will end in tragedy for me. Much as others enjoy the tragic, personally, I can not withstand a few more years to the taskmaster, “addiction”. I wonder… can America continue its addiction to the lies, without suffering the continued consequences of those at the top ignoring those of us in the middle and the bottom? Looks are all to often deceiving. Sometimes, lemonade is just that, lemonade… a deliciously cool and refreshing beverage. At other times it’s the story (kool-aid) we tell about being misled, hey listen this, you won’t believe this, one time when I was drunk and it turns out to just be a huge glass of piss. Don’t be foolish, maybe just drink the water in 2020.

As always thanks for popping by, Duane.